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Top Ten: Distractions

Today marks the first day of the year that I’ve worn shorts to the office. What’s strange about that statement (other than the peculiarity of me sharing my wardrobe choices with you), is that today is July 29th. There’s only a month and a half left of Summer, and I’m not ready for it to be over. Forget school, forget cold, forget wet roads, forget dirty cars, forget Winter. Below are 10 items that will distract you and me from the impending doom of Summer’s end.

10) Bocce Set

Have you ever tried playing bocce ball in the Winter? It doesn’t work. Like octopus and ice cream, the two were never meant to mesh. So what better way to ward off thoughts of Winter than to embrace something that is related to it in no way, shape, or form?

9) Paintball Gun

The hardcore paintball fans out there may argue that their sport only gets better in the cold months. After all, frozen paintballs inevitably result in more pain, and if your favorite past time is one that closely resembles warfare then maybe that’s where you get your kicks. I, for one, would much rather romp around when the projectiles heading my way deliver just enough of a pinch to take my mind off you-know-what.

8) DSLR Camera

Picking up a fancy DSLR camera is sure to distract you from what’s to come. Just learning what all of the buttons do should take a couple of months. Sure, by the time you’re a certified expert it may be snowing, but at least you’ll have pics to remind yourself of hotter days.

7) Tent

Of all the things one can do to forget about the end of Summer, my favorite is to go camping. The future may be bleak, but immersing yourself in a dense forest with nothing but a water filter and veggie dogs will halt time as you know it. If that doesn’t work then mosquito hordes and hungry bears will serve as adequate distractions.

6) Giggle Gear Roaring Dinosaur

Maybe I’m alone on this one, but the Giggle Gear Roaring Dinosaur costume could preoccupy me for days… maybe months. It roars when you stomp.

5) Fishing

If you like fishing as much as our very own Sales Manager, then you don’t need me to tell you it’s bona fide escapism. As the Babylonians say, “The gods do not deduct from a (wo)man’s allotted span the hours spent in fishing.”

4) Tattoo Gun

I hear that after your first you just can’t stop, and with your very own tattoo gun you won’t have to! Sounds like a great way to take your mind off September school/work, no? Ink yourself enough and you might not even be welcome back.

3) Keg

It may be as important to our social evolution as the campfire was to our australopithecine ancestors. Kegs of beer bring friends together like nothing else and, conveniently enough, surrounding yourself with friends is a fantastic distraction from reality.

2) Patio Set

Where else are you going to enjoy conversation and a keg?

1) Kittens

If there’s anything the Egyptians and Internet age have taught us, it’s that the human race is undeniably distracted by cats. The way they move, the poses they take, and the expressions they make all factor into the memetic obsession. If ever in doubt about the future to come, kittens are the remedy.

As the social media and community coordinator at, Michael is the voice you hear when you phone our 1-800 number and the text you read skim three days a week on our blog. Keep up with his antics on Twitter @MrConkin.

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