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Hey Ma, I’m Going to College!

There are a few do’s and don’ts that every soon-to-be college student should be aware of. Seeing as a few of us at the office have gone through the motions ourselves, we figured it might be nice to impart that knowledge on… well, anyone who’s willing to hear it. The following checklist includes everything your average college/university student will need to survive the move to another city and their first year in the dorms:

Coffee/Kraft Dinner Maker

It’s a well known fact among the intellectual community that two of the most essential consumables, coffee and Kraft Dinner, can be made with a single machine. The coffee maker will wake you up in the morning and fill your tummy before bed. Perhaps most importantly, it’ll do those things without breaking those pesky no-flame dormitory regulations.

Big Laminated Calendar

An oversized laminated calendar is an integral part of the college lifestyle. It’s kind of like a day planner for dummies. Your mom won’t be there to hold your hand, so you might as well put your To-Do’s somewhere in plain sight.

Ghetto Blaster

Baroque when you study, Bob Marley when you’re vibin’, and Barry White when the time is right. That is the college way.

You’ll finally have the freedom to smell what you want to smell and decorate your room with tacky trimmings. Go nuts (without starting your building on fire).

With every spray you will systematically be hunting down dust and bacteria, encapsulating them in soapy bubbles, and destroying their very essence. Scientifically, this makes no sense, but if the commercials say so then we’re on board.

Chances are you’ll be living beside or (god forbid) with, a noisy neighbour. Make sure to have something to stick in your ears at night, or even your calendar won’t be able to save you from tardiness.

Catcher in the Rye

Don’t worry, you don’t need to read it. Just place it inconspicuously on your bookshelf for guests to marvel at. What is college for, if not for pretending you’re smarter than you actually are?


It’s a cultural staple of dorm life. A tool that you can use to both speak your opinionated mind and receive witty (or attempted witty) messages from your peers. Kind of like a real-world Facebook status update without the corporate advertisements.


*Varies by demographic. Bob Marley, Pulp Fiction, Abbey Road, and Breakfast at Tiffany’s. Take your pick.

Flip Flops

Admittedly, you might not want to buy a pair of these on your local Used site. But, for a fair dollar you should certainly look into a brand new, fungi-free pair for the shower you may or may not have once a week.

As the social media and community coordinator at, Michael is the voice you hear when you phone our 1-800 number and the text you read skim three days a week on our blog. Keep up with his antics on Twitter @MrConkin.

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