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A little wordsmithing can go a long way
Have you ever wondered why your ad isn’t getting any bites, and others are? Maybe the fish are fickle, eh?
creative commons image courtesy of davemorris
Recently, we had a question on selling a high end/quality jewelry item on our facebook page. And while reading over the ad – I thought this would be a great way to show how a little re-arranging could make a difference.
OriginalStunning 2 CARAT VS2 Princess Eternity Band – $2100 OBO Make a reasonable offer! Just collecting dust as I don’t wear it with my wedding set. This ring has been reduced quite a bit but we would prefer the money than have it go to waste in a ring box. It is very difficult to take pictures due to the amount of sparkle so here is a link to a video uploaded onto youtube. Still far more beautiful in person but it’s something right 🙂 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Fd45QupOM50 Ladies, you will be the envy of all your friends without a doubt! Perfect wedding ring or perhaps a special anniversary! Appraisal reads (which comes with ring): One ladies eternity band; tested as 14K white gold; contains 32 diamonds ; average: 31 princess cuts; and 1 squared cut; measured 2mm x 2mm in diameter; estimated weight of .06ct to .65ct each (with a total combined weight of 2.01cts). Clarity grade VS-2 (three diamonds chipped on corner, not noticable to naked eye); colour grade G; Good cuts, Good to medium matching; channel setting. Mount measured as 3.24mm x 1.98mm. Total weight of the ring is 2.4 grams. Size 7 but if taken to a reputable jeweller, can be resized. |
My RevisionStunning 2 CARAT VS2 Princess Eternity Band – $2100 OBO Ladies, you will be the envy of all your friends without a doubt! Perfect wedding ring or perhaps a special anniversary! Appraisal reads (which comes with ring): One ladies eternity band; tested as 14K white gold; contains 32 diamonds ; average: 31 princess cuts; and 1 squared cut; measured 2mm x 2mm in diameter; estimated weight of .06ct to .65ct each (with a total combined weight of 2.01cts). Clarity grade VS-2 (three diamonds chipped on corner, not noticable to naked eye); colour grade G; Good cuts, Good to medium matching; channel setting. Mount measured as 3.24mm x 1.98mm. Total weight of the ring is 2.4 grams. Size 7 but if taken to a reputable jeweller, can be resized. It is very difficult to take pictures due to the amount of sparkle so here is a link to a video uploaded onto youtube. Still far more beautiful in person but it’s something right 🙂 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Fd45QupOM50 Please make a reasonable offer. It’s just collecting dust as I don’t wear it with my wedding set. This ring has been reduced quite a bit but we would prefer the money than have it go to waste in a ring box. |
Now that you’ve taken a read through both:
- Which one do you prefer?
- Can you do even more re-arranging to make it better?
On a side note: whenever I compare two or more things I hear this little song in my head:
Nick Kempinski
Nick Kempinski is the leader of UsedEverywhere's social media efforts. Working with a team of writers to create this blog. But also works with great programmers to make all sites in the UsedEverywhere network more sharing friendly.
Andrea
Here’s my revision:
It’s great. But I think you both need a grabbier headline.
How about: “The jerk left me and now I’m selling this stunning 2 CARAT VS2 Princess Eternity Band.” I’d also add a line in there saying that I won’t take less than $2100 because I need to buy airfare to Cuba.
Nick Kempinski
The dark comedy route could be interesting. A ring like that just collecting dust does pose the question, why?
But, with that kind of tone I would be a little intimidated to respond to the ad. – then again, that could be a gender divide.